COLUMN: Relax, be yourself
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Published: Monday, November 4, 2013
Updated: Monday, November 4, 2013 22:11
It’s Friday night, and you finally have that date you’ve been dreaming of with that someone you’ve had your eyes on for as long as you can remember. You think over and over in your head about how this date could turn out . What are you going to say? You start thinking of some things you could tell them that would make them think you are pretty cool. It’s tempting, because you want to make a good impression and land a second date. What if you make a bad impression? First off, Breathe. Secondly, be yourself.
There comes a time within a first date where you have the opportunity to be real or fake. So, let’s get real. Of course you are going to put your best foot forward and smile and even laugh a little more than you normally would. However, when you start acting like someone you’re not, it’s time to put the “real you” back into your date.
Also, don’t make yourself sound better than you are; at least you’re being yourself, but you’re still lying by embellishing. Don’t act like a butterfly when you’re still just a caterpillar. You don’t have to lie to make your life sound more exciting or to make you sound like you’re more accomplished than you are at this point. It’s way more important to be honest than to impress.
People tend to be drawn to people who are motivated, so even though you may not be where you want to be in life yet, share your goals and passions. That is way more interesting than just flaunting your achievements; plus, if you make yourself sound perfect, it might make the other person feel put off and make them think they aren’t good enough for you.
How are you ever going to find the right person for you if you’re not even letting them get to know the real you?
Also, don’t change because you want to become somebody’s type. If somebody prompts you to make a change for the better, then more power to you; but don’t change yourself simply to please someone else.
I have a friend who recently divorced her husband. She said if she could have done one thing differently, it would have been to be more true to herself from the very beginning. She said she had been crushing on her ex-husband for a long time before he even noticed her, so when he finally asked her out, she was so desperate to impress him that she agreed with everything he had to say and said she enjoyed all the same things he did.
By the next date she had already dug herself in a hole when he planned a date around the things that he enjoyed, thinking she enjoyed them too. She was shaping herself to become the perfect woman for him. She had forgotten about what she used to love, and her whole life and energy was focused on pleasing him and only him.
Through this process, she began to alienate her friends and family because suddenly she had different interests and didn’t relate to them anymore. All she had was her boyfriend, and at the time, that didn’t seem like a problem.
It wasn’t until a year after they were married when she realized she wasn’t genuinely happy. She missed the things she used to enjoy and the people she used to love. Then she started to resent her husband for making her become this person she didn’t even know anymore, which led to constant fighting and unhappiness until eventually it ended in a divorce.
While this is extreme, anyone can find themselves at the top of this slippery slope.
Relationships are built over time, and by starting it off by being yourself, you will be able to discern whether they may be a real potential match for you. After all, the only thing worse than being without the person you like is being left with someone you don’t recognize: yourself.
- Keep the questions and experiences coming to firstname.lastname@example.org.