COLUMN: What women want
Published: Monday, October 14, 2013
Updated: Monday, October 14, 2013 23:10
Since the beginning of dating, guys have complained about how confusing girls can be. Apparently we tend to talk about everything except how we really feel, so the poor guys are left guessing. Well boys, listen up, this may help you crack the code.
First, don’t be so negative. When a girl says she can’t go out the first time you ask, don’t just assume she doesn’t want to go — while we’re on that topic, don’t ever assume anything. Chances are your assumption will be wrong, and you could miss out on a girl that is genuinely interested in you. There is nothing worse than having a legitimate reason you can’t go out and having the guy say something like “Oh, I’ve heard that one before” or “If you don’t want to go out, just say so.”
No, usually we really can’t go. If a girl is smart she’ll offer another time that could work for her, but if she doesn’t, don’t be immediately put off.
Women absolutely love a guy who can make them laugh. Nothing makes a good date like going home feeling like you just had an ab workout because you were laughing so hard throughout.
Most girls don’t buy the whole “nice guy” bit. Being nice is always a plus, but if that’s all you’ve got going for you, it may be time to spice things up a bit. You hardly ever hear a girl say “I just fell for him because he was so nice.” Usually being nice is an add-on to some other qualities that initially attracted them to you.
A lot of girls I talk to claimed most of the self-proclaimed “nice guys” are actually narcissistic, egomaniacal jerks — ask one question about their authenticity and they fold the nice-guy façade up and bare their fangs. Most women would agree that the guys they would call “a really nice guy” do not advertise the fact.
Women are pretty easily understood, so guys, stop over-analyzing everything. As long as she is attracted to you, all she really needs is to feel appreciated for the unique person that she is. She needs to feel special, and she needs to know that you would support her in her endeavors.
While men bond through activity, women bond through emotion. Guys rarely express their feelings with each other or women, but women live on a very emotional level. Simply asking questions about her day or prompting her to share with you how something made her feel will go a long way. It means a lot to a girl when you’re willing to communicate with her, and it’s even more impressive when you actually listen.
Women are impressed by men who can actually do things — and just as importantly, those who want to do things. Whether it’s the small things like taking care of small home repairs, changing a tire or mowing the lawn, we also like to see you have a passion for life. We like to know you enjoy your work and have hobbies, that you know how to lead and take responsibility. In other words, man up.
A compliment can go a long way and should be used often. Women like to dress up and look their best in hopes someone will notice their efforts. We tend to be insecure about our looks, especially when there are so many other woman constantly around to compare ourselves to. We don’t like it and try not to compare, but it’s hard to dress to impress when there’s always a girl who seems to do it better. When a guy does notice a girl and compliments her, it goes a long way and will not soon be forgotten.
Nothing drives a girl more insane than guys lumping them all together in the female gender. For example, we hate when guys claim all women are bad drivers or belong in the kitchen. These bits are not attractive or charming and they immediately make us put up a front. By lumping us all into one group, it makes us lump you into the “just-like-every-other-guy” group.
Make an effort to get to know the girl as a single individual. Just as not all men love football or play golf or drink beer, not all women like to shop, gossip and watch soap operas. Make an effort to get to know her, all assumptions aside, and you might find she’s nothing like any other girl you’ve met. And maybe she can drive a stick shift better than you ever could.