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'Why did they ever get rid of ... ?' February edition

staff writer

Published: Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Updated: Wednesday, February 5, 2014 23:02

If you think about it, it’s an amazing thing February never gets picked on. Did anyone on the school bus receive the barrage of mockery more than the shortest kids on campus? No chance. But unlike our disservice to the short kids and relegating them to have to play basketball alone on the monkey bars, we endow the shortest month with the same respect we’d give anyone else, and do so by electing it eligible for yet another rendition of “Why did they ever get rid of … ?”


— Why did they ever get rid of “Where in the World Is Carmen Sandiego?”


Before I begin, let me make this abundantly clear: Any mistaking this program with “Where’s Waldo?” is a transgression punishable by being grounded for a month and having your Skip It taken away. No excuses.


This PBS-made masterpiece of a game show was brought together to contain the three most pertinent components of child learning: geography, deductive reasoning and a Capella choir. Before networks became flooded with intensely shot crime shows featuring former cast members of “Dharma and Greg,” Carmen Sandiego was the highest form of mystery since “Who Framed Roger Rabbit?” and if nothing else, it taught us the meaning of the word “sleuths,” a morsel of verbiage I still hold to the highest esteem to this day.


Admit it, though. You loved “Rockapella.” If they did a musical cameo on “All That,” you’d totally wish you were there.


— Why did they ever get rid of “Da bomb?”


The first time I encountered this credo was the scene in “Clueless” when Donald Faison’s character was caught getting his head shaved. Ever since, it has lingered with me. It just seemed to hit the subject of existential cultural hype square on the nose. Explosive, sudden, attention grabbing — these were the best things in life, and they had a home to come to with two simple words, generally spoken by Keenan and Kel. Unfortunately, our jealously-guarded motto met its demise when modern society watered it down. It started with “Da,” slowly becoming “The,” and before we knew it, no bystander could survive a bomb label without somebody in the vicinity padlocking a “.com” on top of it. Sad, truly; one of those special things that left us too soon.


— Why did they ever get rid of Emotional collaborative pop ballads?  

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