COLUMN: The top-10 worst mascots
Published: Monday, February 10, 2014
Updated: Monday, February 10, 2014 23:02
We’ve got a pretty awesome mascot here at Utah State. Big Blue isn’t wimpy, he’s easily identifiable, and perhaps most importantly, he entertains rather than annoys. Unfortunately, for every Big Blue-caliber mascot, there are several that fail on every level. Here are the ten absolute worst.
10. The Tree, Stanford Cardinal — According to Stanford, it doesn’t have an official mascot, since “cardinal” in this sense refers to the color, not the bird. According to literally everyone else, Stanford’s mascot is the creepy wide-eyed no-armed tree that runs around looking like someone slapped together its costume from household items the night before the big game.
9. The Brooklyknight, Brooklyn Nets — You can see what the Nets were thinking here. They were thinking, “Gee, superheroes and comic books are so hot right now, and we’re all about being trendy; let’s make our mascot a masked vigilante.” Unfortunately for Brooklyn, its awful gimmicky creation more closely resembles a late ’90s “Power Rangers” villain than any sort of modern superhero. What would’ve been totally awesome several years ago just doesn’t seem to be working for them now. How fitting.
8. Rocky, Toledo Rockets — Hey, speaking of the power rangers, that’s pretty much all Rocky is, except in the least cool way imaginable. Rocky is kind of wimpy, and wimpy doesn’t suit an astronaut all that well. It’s like Toledo was going for Buzz Lightyear, but instead they got some kid in space pajamas wearing a plush Daft Punk helmet.
7. Sammy the Slug, University of California Santa Cruz — I feel bad for UCSC. They make every “worst mascot” list ever made because there is nothing noble nor imposing about a banana slug. He sort of looks like an alien cousin to Shrek, but it’s really not even Sammy’s fault for being a bad mascot; he just doesn’t have a lot to work with. Sorry, fella.
6. Brutus, Ohio State Buckeyes — Brutus is among the most punchable mascots in all of sports. He’s just a student wearing a big stupid head. Yeah sure, that may sound like a description of every mascot ever, but you’d never walk up to Big Blue and tell him he looks “dopey,” right? Brutus is the mascot you want your own mascot to put in a headlock, then make one of the opposing team’s players come and rescue him after a timeout.
5. Blue, Indianapolis Colts — Blue is a great example of how not to do a horse mascot. The Denver Broncos proved that a horse can actually be awesome; Miles is among the best mascots in the NFL. Blue is the opposite. Blue is cartoonish enough to guest star on “My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.” Yes, he’s probably more kid-friendly than Miles, but any time a Colts fan argues football with his buddies, that argument can be silenced with a swift reminder that the Colts’ mascot is a pony.
4. Wenlock and Mandeville, 2012 London Olympics — Remember these guys? London put a whole lot of creative thought into what looked like two rejected Pokemon.
3. Otto, Syracuse Orange — The orange blob is doing something right this season, considering ‘Cuse basketball is 23-0 at the moment, but that doesn’t change the fact that everyone loves seeing Otto maimed by opposing mascots and athletes. Otto’s misfortune is the basis for some of the best “This is SportsCenter” commercials ever.
2. The Billiken, St. Louis Billikens — Nobody knows what a Billiken is. I guess it’s supposed to be some sort of good luck charm, but actually it resembles a big white wingless bat with googly eyes. What do St. Louis fans chant at games, I wonder? “Bil-li-kens, Bil-li-kens...”
1. Cosmo, BYU Cougars — Somehow BYU managed to take the cougar — a respectable mascot — and turn it into a wimpy cat in a onesie wearing a perpetual wince. Seriously, google image search “Cosmo BYU.” Does not every picture make it look like he’s in pain? They couldn’t even give him a cool name. I’d take Sammy the Slug in a fight over a cat named Cosmo.
– Logan Jones is a sophomore studying journalism. The Billikens nearly cost him a March Madness bracket championship last year when they lost in the second round to No. 12-seeded Oregon. When he isn't writing about sports, he's updating his blog at mindgrenades.blogspot.com. Contact him at firstname.lastname@example.org or tweet @Logantj.