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Pessimistically avoiding sucky dating

Published: Thursday, January 17, 2013

Updated: Thursday, January 17, 2013 03:01

The problem with dating is that everyone thinks it sucks.

That’s mostly because the whole point of dating is to get married. If you’re not dating, it means you haven’t accomplished the whole goal of dating.

Marriage: The cause of, and solution to, all dating problems.

Say you don’t want to get married. Maybe not right now, maybe not ever. Maybe, heaven forbid, no one wants to marry you. What then?

Here’s a pessimistic two-step method I’ve come up with to ensure non-sucky dating from now until something weird happens and marriage takes over your life.

1. Only ask out or accept dates from hotties.

I’m not saying personality doesn’t matter, because it does. Looks matter a lot more, though.

The following questions may help.

If you’re going to stare at someone for more than an hour, is this person worth staring at for more than an hour? On a scale of 1 to 2, would I make out with this person? How many of my friends would I brag to about said makeout?

2. Always insist on an activity you know you will enjoy.

Odds are, you may never get a second date with this person to no fault of your own, especially if he or she is the hottie described above, so let’s guarantee you’ll enjoy yourself.

There’s probably some old saying that says something about how you shouldn’t have to change yourself for someone else who isn’t named Jesus? I don’t know. The point is, if the hottie enjoys what you enjoy, you might be on the road to non-sucky dating.

If not, then at least you did something worthwhile for your date.

Tavin offers dating advice via Twitter using #DateTavin and regularly enjoys multiple dates each weekend. He enjoys more good luck than the average American and has an abundance of confidence. Since his first kiss in 2010, he has locked lips with 23 young ladies who all rated 2’s on the 1-2 scale.

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